What if it wasn't about them at all?

The thing is, it’s not about them, It’s about us.  And frankly that is a lot of responsibility and can feel pretty scary.  So scary in fact that we make it ALL about them, because blaming is kind of like a pause button on us having to deal with our shit, excuse my French. 

Blaming and shaming others feels really good, that is until it doesn’t.  It’s a narrative that enables responsibility to always be deferred somewhere else and yet keeps us from moving forward altogether.  I would like to lovingly offer: what if we got ourselves here?  How would it feel if it didn’t have anything to do with them and everything to do with us? 

What if we got ourselves here?....

As a caveat, this an offering of a different perspective but where it may not be helpful, don’t apply it.  As I acknowledge there are many wrongs done to people who were not co creators but true victims.  What I’m referring to here is when you have played into a dynamic, when you have made choices that brought you to this point, possibly even without really knowing it.  This can look like ignoring sound wisdom, ignoring your gut, doing what you thought you should do, operating out of pain and patterns, not reflecting on who you are attracted to and why and so many other things.

So if you could, humor me for a moment. If it was true, if you ended up here because of your own deep wounds, your own programming and pain, what then? 

On the outset, this may feel like the worst reality check ever. However once I embraced this concept for myself, it actually brought me so much freedom and a sense of control.  If I got myself here, then the next logical truth was that I could get myself somewhere else.  If the world wasn’t random and I had more control than I thought, that would mean I could choose to make the most out of my life and expect to move myself in the direction of my choosing.  

If you realized your circumstances weren't someone else's fault and you had the power to learn from them and move on, what would your next move be??  What story would you tell if you wrote yourself out of being a victim?  What could your character do or choose to believe instead?  

The choices that we made in the past that have led to pain or hardships, made possibly from naivete or lack of experience, even ignorance or arrogance, do not have to hold us back forever.  We also do not have to be held back by others actions over us either. We made choices, we ended up in certain places, we learn, we accept, we forgive, we adjust, we heal, we grow and we take another step. 

Sometimes a change in perspective can change everything and sometimes taking responsibility, though painful, can be the first step towards a life untethered from the past.  You are more than what's happened to you and more than what you've chosen up to this point.

You may not know it yet but your future is so bright and you are worth every effort!

If you are looking for more support, I'll be right here.

Forever in your corner.

Jenny Xx